Not Giving Up

Well, I missed a week. I promised to write once a week, and I’ve already failed. Normally I would write this off as a failure and just give up, maybe because I have low self esteem, maybe it’s the depression, or maybe it’s my OCD. Regardless, my therapist told me I need to work on my resilience, and I feel like this is a good way to do that. I am not going to roll over and give in to my doubts and fears. I’m going to pick myself up, and try again.

Speaking of trying again, I’ve already started applying for a new job. I’ve decided to try my hand working in retail, or fast food again, for a number of reasons. First and foremost being that my husband is sick of carting me around to and from work. It’s been a great stressor for him that he’s my only mode of transportation, and gas isn’t cheap, so working nearby would save us a pretty penny, but the only things close enough to walk to are fast food and retail.

Another reason I’m going this route is because I’m not sure I can handle a full time schedule. I didn’t start having my anxiety attacks until after I started working overtime, and that makes me think that the hours were a part of the problem. I always felt run down, and like I only had time to get ready for work, sleep, and work. So, maybe I will do better on a schedule that gives me more time outside of work.

Lastly, I want to work in an environment where if I have to deal with customers, I deal with them face to face. It’s a lot harder to be nasty to a person if you can see their face, so hopefully I won’t get yelled at as much. Plus, I know from past experiences that if I have a uniform I feel less uncomfortable about my appearance, so being out in the open where people can see me doesn’t bother me as much. Maybe it’s because uniforms make you blend into the background, and nobody notices you unless they need to.

Anyway, thank you all for bearing with me while I stumble through all this. I hope you all have a fantastic week, and hopefully I’ll keep on track this time!