Ok, so judging by my mom’s reaction I need to make a few things clear about what I wrote last night.
First and foremost, I am ok. The cuts I showed you are very shallow. I have had worse cat scratches. They don’t hurt, they don’t even itch. The blade was pretty dull. Also, the booze didn’t kill me either, and I don’t even have a hangover (I’m lucky that way, I never get them.)
Secondly, I need to explain that my husband did not put those thoughts inside my head. I did. He was frustrated the other day about something and I made a comment about half of everything he owns being mine because we’re married, and he said that the house wasn’t in my name, so I didn’t own half of it. Of course it isn’t in his name either, since it’s still in probate, but the point is I blew it all out of preportion last night when I was spiraling.
Also the thing about the singing happened one time, back when we first started dating. I don’t know why I latched on to it so hard, especially since he recently asked me for a video of me singing.
I did this to myself, plain and simple. I felt guilty and ashamed because I said some hurtful things to my husband yesterday, things he didn’t deserve, and I threw myself a pity party.
My husband sussed out what I was up to last night and sat with me for hours trying to make me see the flaws in my logic, and make sure that I knew I was loved. He really is a wonderful man.
I was very sauced by the time we were done talking (half a bottle of whisky will do that) so he tucked me in with his favorite stuffed animal and wrapped me in the softest most snuggly blanket we own and said that I could sleep as soon as I said three little words. I didn’t give up without a fight, telling him that it’s really four words, but eventually I caved and said, “I’m worth it.”
I’m sorry if I worried you guys, but I really am feeling much better today. I know how full of crap I was last night, and I’m not going to do anymore rash things, I promise.