I’m trying to be better about writing on the weekends, so I have been writing since 6 AM this morning. Unfortunately, it is now noon, and the post I’m working on is so massive I’m not sure it will be done by Monday let alone today. Sigh. “Well,” I thought, “I really do want to actually post today, so what can I write that will not derail my current post by too much, and still be interesting enough to be worth writing/reading?” The truth is, I’m not sure, but I decided I could probably write about my emotional state and see where that takes me.
I am awash in emotions today. I am filled with joy because you, my readers, have embraced me as I revealed my heart to you, and gratitude for all the kind words you’ve shared. I am filled with relief becauseI haven’t lost any followers, none of my friends have abandoned me on Facebook, and my family still loves me, even if they don’t all understand. I am a little confused because I thought for sure I would have offended somebody by now, but that feeling is far outweighed by the love and acceptance I feel.
The post I’ve already spent more than six hours toiling over I’ve titled “The Music of My Soul,” and as I’m writing about the ways these different songs have touched me I am reminded of sitting on the piano bench next to my dad so that I could turn the pages for him while he played. His deep bass voice rumbled along as he sang songs like “Old Man River,” and sent a delightful shiver of terror down my spine when he sang “The Headless Horseman Song.” My mom has a beautiful soprano voice that can reach all the way to the tippy top of the scale, and the contrast was a true delight when they used to sing duets for us. My mom always brought her guitar with us when we went camping, and she’d sing and play folk songs like “Julianne,” and “Don’t Fence Me In.” These days she shares her gifts with the world by teaching music lessons, and I am so proud of her.
There may have been a lot of horrible things that happened to me when I was a child, but there are so many good and magical things, too. I am so grateful for all of the experiences in my life, the good and the bad. It can be so easy to get sucked into a spiral of negativity sometimes, but on days like today, I look out the window at the sunlight and try to remember that the shadows only seem dark when there is light to show the contrast. If everything in life always went according to plan, if we lived in a perfect world, there would be no room for growth or adaptability. We are all shaped by our pasts into beautiful and unique creatures, and getting to know and understand our differences as well as our similarities is what makes life worth living isn’t it?