Lately my husband and I are having some issues. We haven’t been connecting the way we used to, and part of that is probably the grief that he’s been struggling with since he lost both of his parents last year, compounded by the fact that we have both suddenly become super busy. He’s trying to start a business, building seed money and doing loads of research, and I’ve got my books and my blog now. So we end up spending a lot of time apart. We don’t even see each other in bed, because between my manic cycles keeping me up at night, and my incredibly loud snoring it is impossible for him to get any sleep if we are in the same room.
So yesterday we had a long talk about what we can do to fix our marriage, and we came up with two things each that we would do for the other person. My husband is now subscribed to my blog, and he’s going to spend an hour a day watching TV with me. These may seem like silly things to some of you, particularly in regard to the television watching, but they help me to feel validated and cared for. Right now we’re watching House of Cards which is a Netflix original political drama. Not exactly my husband’s cup of tea, he likes the super hero shows and sitcoms, but he watches it with me anyway, which makes me feel like he is taking an interest in the things that I like.
The two things that I came up with to do for him seem a lot more self serving, I’m embarrassed to say. I am going to go out to the movies with him every other week, and I’m going to go on one walk a day. There have been so many times over the past few weeks where he waltzed into the room where I’m trying to write and unloaded on me all the things that were bothering him and just waltzed right on out without pausing to listen to anything I had to say, and I thought that he was turning into this horribly selfish person, and yet when we talked yesterday about the things that were really troubling him, it all came back to me. He has been spending a lot of his time worrying about me, but he didn’t want to stress me out, so when he talked to me he told me all the superficial things that are bothering him instead.
The primary thing he was worrying about is that I don’t go outside to get any sunshine or exercise. I have a million reasons I don’t, of course, but really they are all related to my disorders, with the exception being my allergies. I can’t go on his walks with him, however. He is in much better shape, walking between five and ten miles every day, while I’m lucky if I make it to one. He just goes way farther than I can manage right now, so for the time being he has accepted my proposal of taking a walk by myself once a day, so he doesn’t have to worry so much about my health.
The movie Monday thing is a little more for him than for me, I suppose. He really likes going to the theater, and if I’m being perfectly honest, so do I, but my social anxiety makes this a difficult experience. At least he isn’t asking me to do both dinner and a movie. I don’t think I am ready for that at all. Still, I loathe the thought of him feeling left out because we don’t do date night, and he’s mentioned in the past how alone it makes him feel when he goes to the store by himself and sees all the couples walking around holding hands, and I want to eventually work up to the point where he doesn’t have to feel that way. So I guess this is as good a place to start as any.
Alright, so today I am going to do two things that terrify me, so wish me luck, and I’ll write about my experiences when I get back from doing them.